Good Enough For God’s Plan?

When I was younger I was intimidated by the people in my church.  The men in their 3 piece suits, accented with cuff links and tie tacks.  Their shoes freshly polished, all nice and shiny.  The women dolled up in frilly dresses decorated with lace and ribbons.  Their hair primped and teased, locked in place with gels and hairspray.  Everyone clutching Bibles and singing hymns, straight faced and attentive.

These were Godly people.  They read the word of God, prayed, did volunteer work, were missionaries, believed highly in evangelism and would never be found anywhere but Church every time the doors were open.  They were “holier than thou”.

I did not grow up in church.  I attended only when I went to visit my mom, which I promptly stopped doing as soon as I turned 18.  I could never measure up to the expectations I felt I was being exposed to. 

It was thirteen years after accepting Jesus Christ as my savior before I decided to start going to church on my own.  Thirteen long years of sinning against God after vowing that I was going to live for Him, and getting baptized to wash away the life I had lived prior to accepting salvation.

I broke commandment after commandment.  I took the Lord’s name in vain, didn’t honor my mother and father, stole and lied.  (3rd, 5th, 8th & 9th) I was jealous and desired the things other people had.  (10th)  I turned to a different religion (if that’s what you want to call it), for a brief period of time, which had me believing that Jesus was capable of using 100% of his brain and was trying to show others how to do the same.  (1st or 2nd; not sure)  I shared intimacy with other men while involved in committed relationships, which isn’t the true meaning of adultery but how thin, exactly, is the dividing line?  Either way I was involved in premarital sex.

The church I started attending didn’t lash out in judgement, not even when I got pregnant prior to marriage.  The people I started getting to know all had splotches in their pasts, no one made me feel inferior.  Even the pastors comment, while preaching, that they struggle with the same flesh desires that I have. 

Going to church, and living for God, isn’t anything close to the mental picture I had painted myself from my childhood memories.  Everyone sins and no one sin is more punishable than another.  I am not loved less than anyone else in God’s eyes.  I’m no longer intimidated!

God has a plan for all of us and he will still use us for his good, no matter how much wrong you think you’ve done.  Take Saul, for example.

Saul was threatening to murder Jesus’ disciples.  Jesus confronts him, temporarily blinds him and sends him to the city to wait for further instruction.  While Saul is waiting Jesus calls on Ananias, a disciple that was in the city.  Jesus commands Ananias to go lay hands on Saul to restore his sight.  But Ananais questions Jesus, using the knowledge he has about the things Saul had done and planned to do.

¹⁵But the Lord said to Ananias, “Go! This man is my chosen instrument to carry my name before the Gentiles and their kings and before the people of Israel. ¹⁶I will show him how much he must suffer for my name.”  Acts 9:14 (NIV)

Not a “simple” liar, thief or adulterer, no, a murder was God’s chosen one!

If that’s the case then I have no doubts that God will use me as well.

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